What my mom taught me about birthdays
When I was growing up, my mom never liked celebrating her birthday. She’d always tell us not to fuss about it. When we greeted her with birthday wishes and gifts, she’d said, ‘Oh, is it today?’— but we’d do it anyways because she always went above and beyond for our birthdays.
Because of her, ironically enough, I love going above and beyond for my kids’ birthdays. In fact, I always swore that I’d never miss any of my kids birthdays, no matter what.
Last year on my daughter’s sixteen birthday, I had to work. It was honestly the worst day of my life. It broke my fucking heart to miss her special day — the first and foremost most special birthday: her sweet 16th. And my employer wouldn’t give me the day off cause luck wasn’t on my side. We had two private events, the owners were out of town and no one could cover my shift.
Initially, I gave my notice citing that I couldn’t do that to my daughter. That I’d couldn’t live with myself if I missed her special day. They accepted my notice and proceeded like it wasn’t a big deal.
Then I finally told her. I hadn’t explained to her yet that I couldn’t take her birthday off so I brought her up to date on the whole story.
“Mom, I don’t want you to quit your job because of me. We could celebrate it on your day off. Honestly, it’s ok. I won’t be upset.”
I cried so hard when she said that. I cried because in my opinion, my daughter was the biggest person in this whole story. Not my bosses, not myself — no, it was her. She spoke maturely and sincerely and I loved her all the more for it. She pleaded with me not to quit and I proceeded to call my GM to ask if I could continue working on.
Of course there was a lecture. Not that I needed it. I wasn’t the server who asked for three separate vacations periods off (nope, that was someone else), I wasn’t the server who threw tantrums when things didn’t go their way (yep, also someone else). I was the one who showed up every day and only took nine days off — once.
Whatever. I nodded my head over the phone (even though he couldn’t see), pretending like I was listening intently. He basically said, ‘If your daughter controls whether or not you want to work here, I just need to be sure that you will be making these decisions on your own; not on her behalf.’
Needless to say, I was floored. But I stayed on. And I’m still there.
I won’t be able to wish my mom a happy birthday today. I won’t be able to hug her til next week. My mom was a stay-at-home and she never missed any of our birthdays. In fact, she’s the reason why whenever it’s any of my siblings’ birthdays — we always get a birthday card.
Where are my priorities? I know it’s important to pay the bills, but how far is too far? I don’t want to miss any more birthdays. Birthdays celebrate the birth of you. They celebrate when someone came into being. And if you love that someone — you should be able to tell them how much they mean to you on their special day.
That’s what my mom taught me. She also understood, just like my daughter, that my job doesn’t allow me to spend certain holidays or weekends with them as I wish. It’s the way of the hospitality industry. And it’s tough. I’ve been doing it for 13 years. Oh and the wine part of it — not even going to get started with that. If you’ve been following my journey on Medium, you’d know I gave up on the system of developing sommeliers. It appears they’re handing out certifications at the CMS. And if that’s the case, my certification doesn’t mean much to me anymore.
Anyways, this isn’t about that. It’s about my mom. It’s about how she understood all the decisions I made even if they never made sense to her. She still supported me anyways. It’s about how she and my dad put up with my major changes in college, my becoming a mom-turned server then sommelier, and about how I get so lost in all the things I have to do within my life right now that don’t allow me any time to drive ten minutes to my parent’s house cause that’s how far they live.
I love my mom. And I’m scared that time will pass me by and I’ll have lost all the time I could have had with her.
For what? Money?
Today is my mom’s birthday. I am so thankful for her. I am so lucky to have a mom who never missed my birthday. Who loved me unconditionally and taught me how to do the same for my own. I am blessed to have her. I am blessed to have grown up with all the lessons she taught me. I have so much to thank her for that the list goes on.
